The Jane Austen Punishment List

1. An evening at a recital given by Mary Bennet.
2. A tour of Rosings with Mr. Collins
- OR – (updated)
Watching an episode of Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous guest-hosted by Mr. Collins.
3. Relationship advice from Lady Russell.
4. A visit to a library with Miss Bates.
5. An audience with the Queen accompanied by Mrs. Bennet.
6. A night of babysitting Lady Middleton’s children.
7. Sir Walter Elliot standing in for your father at a father/son wilderness survival camp.
8. One day of nursing Mary Musgrove through one of her illnesses.
9. The friendship of Lucy Steele.
10. An evening of backgammon with Mr. Woodhouse (and don’t expect sweetbread and asparagus when the refreshments arrive).
11. A girls’ clothes-shopping expedition and makeover with Caroline Bingley.
12. Having Lydia Bennet over for a two weeks’ holiday.
13. A conversation with Mrs. Elton about Maple Grove.
14. A carriage ride with John Thorpe.
- OR – (updated)
Buying a used car from John Thorpe. (Joshua Silverman writes:)
“This was suggested by a query whether it was possible to imagine any Austen character as a used car salesman. Not only does John Thorpe fit the bill, but his boasts to Catherine about the smoothness of the ride, the great mileage he gets from his horse, and his prowess in wheeling and dealing, leave me astonished at Austen’s prescience.”
15. Matchmaking by Caroline Bingley.
16. A weekend in Reno or Las Vegas with Mr. Wickham.
17. Aunt Norris moves in next door and becomes an Amway distributor.
18. A moral discussion with Mary Bennet and Mr. Collins.
19. A cross-country tour in the Barouche with the condescending Lady Catherine de Bourgh.
20. The ultimate: Being Charlotte Lucas when she performs her conjugal duties with Mr. Collins, especially when he moans “Catherine!” instead of “Charlotte!” at the crucial moment.

Can you think of any to add to this list?

[Source: http://www.pemberley.com/janeinfo/austt10j.html#songlist]

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